Our responsibility as parents is to ensure that we provide the best opportunities for our children. This entails us being mindful of our language and how we speak to others. When I say language, I am not referring to swearing or ‘bad words’. I am drawing your attention to what you say, how you say it or even the unspoken words between parents and people we interact with.
The effects of not being mindful with your words around your children can be devastating and last a lifetime.
Children are sponges and they develop their own perception of a situation. That perception may not be a true representation of that situation but this is how a child see’s it.
A great example is, sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment that we don’t necessarily mean. After things calm down, we can apologise, acknowledge that it was not meant and move forward. Little do you know, your little one has heard the argument and doesn’t understand the reconciliation. They just see the way the parents are interacting with each other. Often the child is left out of the apology and believe this to be an acceptable pattern of behaviour to be carried out for years to come.
The triggers that can cause these arguments often come from what behaviour was previously learned and accepted by your family unconsciously. As a child you will not truly understand the trigger until you are much older and in awareness. Have you ever heard the phrase, “you are too young to understand?”
Awareness is a key element and the child can carry on into their adult life with this view which may not be the truth. Unless they become aware, they may carry this ‘story’ to the grave. If your child is aware, it can be very complicated and confusing time for them. They can see the falsehood in your words which leads to more unanswered questions. This leaves the child wondering if they are in the right family or a loss of belief and trust.
A situation may be remembered in a different way, a twist to a situation which is not lying but it is a context of their conditioning of how they were brought up and perceived things.
Like a media story, if you ask 5 people what happened when they witnessed a car accident, each will give you a different recount because they link what they saw to their mental picture and belief system to give them their desired outcome.
The way language is articulated can be deceptive because it is derived from your conditioning’s and past experiences with your own parents. This can be causing repetition of a pattern of behaviour and a scenarios that are familiar to you.
When you read this article, what memories are surfacing for you. Write this down and look at where first learnt something from your family that is still affecting you today.
Are you imposing these memories onto your children? Are you mindful of family conditioning’s?
We are passing on to our own children our emotional baggage, leaving them to heal what we hadn’t looked at.
A child is like a sponge and a child picks up on the said and the unsaid cues in many environments.
Life is a cycle and the patterns you have, have been picked up by you from your family and now you are transferring them to your children.
Only you can change your immediate life and what came before you.
Your children, can heal what they picked up from you. Whatever you were carrying from previous generations from your former family members who didn’t heal.
When you change your life, you change your children’s lives.
It only just takes one family member to decide to commit to healing. You are not on the journey alone but you need to be prepared to make the change.
Will it be you or will your children have to uncover these unhealthy and dysfunctional patterns? This could include your patterns and all the behaviours passed down into you and from past generations. That is now in them.
At present I’m healing myself and family issues, and passed generational issues that has never been looked at by any family member.
I have become aware that there are behaviours and patterns in my subconscious mind that impact my decisions.
I am working hard to eliminate generations of beliefs, vows, superstitions, and hear says.
If you chose to heal you can. Not only heal yourself and your children, you can heal future generations.
My Secret Self: Book 2 – Questioning Life in Marriage by Christine U Cowin is the second book by this author. In this autobiography, the author talks about her married life and how it affected her as a person. Christine shares her life views as to how she spent her life the way the world perceived her and how she became prey to pleasing the world rather than herself. More self-reflecting than accusatory, Christine talks about how women tend to lose themselves in their home, their families and the responsibilities that they have. We let others shape us into a new person and forget what it means to be ourselves. She is one of those rare few women who actually realize that they are losing themselves and they need to do something about it before it is too late. She felt the urge to believe in herself, wake herself up, and do something before it was too late. This book asks some very difficult questions that we may not have answers to, but Christine asked herself these questions and answered them to find herself once again.
This is one of the most encouraging and enlightening books I have read. It is empowering to read, giving courage to women to put themselves first. The narrative is very gentle. Christine doesn’t use any harsh words and keeps her tone light at all times. In My Secret Self, she makes sure that her point comes across in the most genuine way possible. Her word choice is just perfect; she allows the reader to get interested because they want to, not because they have to. Agreeing to put yourself first is very difficult, especially for women who have been conditioned to put everyone else first. I think this book would be a great help for women who are trying to break free and learn to love themselves. Christine’s story is encouraging as well as educational for women of all ages.
My childhood photos are in chronological order so as you read through my story. You can have an image of the child you are reading about as she experiences her life.
As you glimpse my life as a child in the book, here are some childhood photos of me as a child and a teenager so you can imagine life with this young lady.
These childhood photos are in black and white, reflecting the period of the 1950’s and 1960’s when I was growing up. You can see the innocence in my face and trusting nature. The impact of my experience had not resonated yet and did not do so until my late 40’s.
I grew up in the hunter valley of New South Wales with 3 siblings on a farm. Spending a lot of time in nature where I was accepted and comfortable being myself was often where I could be found. I also spent a lot of time day dreaming which was my coping mechanism in my surroundings. After school, on a Friday, I often stayed at a friends house because it was much easier than my family life. One of my favourite past times was to go to the movies. This greatly influenced my imagination and developed my curiosity about other cultures. Little did I know this was the beginning of introducing me on an unconscious level to a necessary part of my life to seek the truth and write these books.
You can read the details of my life experiences in the My Secret Self series which takes you on my journey of childhood and explains the patterns and behaviours developed by the influence of members of my family.
And there were so many memories about my own life brought up. So reading my book is like going down memory lane. They were the words of a reader of my book.
“Oh my God! I couldn’t put your book down.”
My book will take you back into my past, not to stay there but to visit helping you to reconnect with your own memories of your yesteryear’s. I know when I am with friends of mine and we say “remember when”, we end up having a good laugh and the conversation becomes engaging and delightful. Not all memories are bad memories and my book is not full of doom and gloom. There are light-hearted memories to share with you.
Some of my life events weren’t so good, but they have been dealt with and healed. What more can I say; to wallow in the past doesn’t help me or those involved in the story. And now it’s a story to be told, to have a chat with my readers to say, hey, remember when? Hey, did you do this or that?
What if Mother Earth was just a place to invent the biggest fantasies you can?
No one has any answers and our imagination and our beliefs are not right or wrong, they are ours. No two people will perceive the same thoughts or beliefs and this is why we are all so individualistic. God created a diverse melting pot. This includes different cultures, people, beliefs, ethnicity and personalities to take us on our own personal journeys. If we were all the same, there would be no calamity, challenges and differences of opinions or races, creeds, the world would be a boring place. Read about my journey to discover other cultures and beliefs and the journey I have traveled which was to appease my inner calling.
Are you listening to your inner calling? Have you got a special task you must do on Mother Earth this life time?
Although we don’t always agree with the way things are done or the opinions of others, it can shape our own beliefs and can impact the patterns we form within our own behaviours.
Are we here to create whatever we wanted to – good, bad or indifferent?
Although we have a role to play individually we are still influenced by those around us e.g. Family, peers, schools, workplaces, community groups and organisations. By knowing who you are, you can change your life’s course. Break those influential behaviours that are not serving you. You have choices as an adult to change and not be part of the status quo.
Be yourself: “Self knowledge heals all.”