My Inspirational Story

How it all started.

2001 was the first time I traveled overseas and I am forty-nine years old I had lived a very sheltered life, married, divorced and studied.

I studied with a college in Australia that allowed me to go to Italy to study and there I remembered I had to go to Turkey to visit it.

I got a train from Rome to the boot of Italy; to the port of Brindisi to catch a ferry boat to Greece and then on to the Island of Samos. I have never traveled and I had no fear. I was on a mission and I was following a calling I had twenty years prior to going to Turkey.

I spent time in Greece and on the Island of Samos and then I got a barge to Kusadasi, Turkey. We were nearing the port and I ran downstairs. Why did I do that for?  As I waited to dock with the smelly cars and their exhaust fumes, again I asked myself – why am I downstairs?

But I would soon found out. When the barge door went down, I felt oh my God I have come home. And as soon as I stepped onto Turkish soil I knew instantly I had come home. I ended up travelling around Turkey on little and big buses like I knew the place, like the back of my hand. I had come home.

Follow my story on how I will go back and live in Turkey. But what was the lead up to making that decision? I had to go home, but why was Turkey my home?

Face the Fear

When fear raises its ugly head don’t run away from it; face the fear and welcome it. When we try to run from the fear or bury the fear deep within, it will resurface on and off until you acknowledge it. Because the soul wants you to know it to heal it when it’s time for it to heal, and be known to you. Remember, God only gives us what we can handle. Seek out help and clear it.

Your Script

My Secret Self: Trials and Tribulations of an Innocent: family relationships have a significant bearing on one’s life. Family with all its diversity – how did I shift through all I’d learned and observed? How did I see through the conditionings I was taught?
It’s not an easy task to see the truth of what you were conditioned into but it can be done and I did it.
I found myself out of all the characters I was playing out, that they weren’t my roles. I was playing roles in a script formulated for me; because I’d forgotten my own script.
Families can influence our perceptions of life. Until we unravel the falsehoods to find the truth for ourselves.

Dropping Masks

Self-Knowledge is the best knowledge one can have. I have always been in tune with myself but journeying in Turkey opened me on a greater level of self-realization; a level I’d never open on in my own country. When we are living away from family and friends we can be ourselves and not act as they’d want us to act.

I learned to be me. I dropped my masks. However, on my return home to Australia I was the new me. That shocked many and it has taken a long time for my family and friends to get used to this person; who looks so familiar, but unrecognisable.

I really became in-tune with myself.

Travelling can do that. I found myself in the collective amongst others because others were my mirror, of me for me to learn through.

A New Land to Understand the Self In

I have written on the sexual abuse I went through. I wrote my books in Istanbul when I lived there. I was fortunate enough to find the right people. I did Reiki with a lady that helped me to bring all to the surface to be able write my story. I had some emotional times but I just kept on writing and I didn’t do chapters; I just wrote and got it all out into the computer and later on, I put it into chapters. Reiki helped me a lot.
I had pushed the memory of the abuse aside all my life. The memory would pop in now and then and I’d say I’m not ready to face that yet. The soul is patient and always allowed me that choice. However, in the 1990’s I started to face the issue and in Turkey it was fully faced.
I was also fortunate enough to be able to re-live my life, with my eyes wide open; encountering similar people from my past to reinforce the events, from my past.
I felt like a pair of eyes until my late fifties because I was never living in my body. Again in Istanbul, all changed; it’s as if that was the chosen place for me to heal myself. There I could open up and write on the situation and in doing so I gradually returned to my body. Now I live in my body and the events are just a story. Sometimes we need to move away from where it had all happened; to heal the issues or to write on it.

Love

Love is the answer they say and years ago in some of my crisis situations and in the process of processing my life I could have made someone eat those words: because in that stressful crisis going on in me; that was the last thing I wanted to hear: love will solve it. 

When love maybe was the reason I was traumatized, abused or hurt in the first place. So how can it now fix it? Well after the crisis and solving of the trauma, hurt and or other issues; love for self does help you. 

And like everything else all has a process to go through. 

There are seven stages to face: 

denial 
anger
bargaining: hoping the people involved will change
depression 
acceptance
love 
joy