Self-Knowledge is the best knowledge one can have. I have always been in tune with myself but journeying in Turkey opened me on a greater level of self-realization; a level I’d never open on in my own country. When we are living away from family and friends we can be ourselves and not act as they’d want us to act.

I learned to be me. I dropped my masks. However, on my return home to Australia I was the new me. That shocked many and it has taken a long time for my family and friends to get used to this person; who looks so familiar, but unrecognisable.

I really became in-tune with myself.

Travelling can do that. I found myself in the collective amongst others because others were my mirror, of me for me to learn through.

Love is the answer they say and years ago in some of my crisis situations and in the process of processing my life I could have made someone eat those words: because in that stressful crisis going on in me; that was the last thing I wanted to hear: love will solve it.

When love maybe was the reason I was traumatized, abused or hurt in the first place. So how can it now fix it? Well after the crisis and solving of the trauma, hurt and or other issues; love for self does help you.

And like everything else all has a process to go through.

There are seven stages to face:

denial
anger
bargaining: hoping the people involved will change
depression
acceptance
love
joy

We are all usually carrying some hidden issues to our self. Words can have a devastating effect on us as a child up into adulthood. Words can affect our wellbeing and those words can stay with us all our lives buried in the subconscious mind coming up when we get triggered or face someone who seems familiar to who had cast those hurtful words. Unbeknown to you and you will wonder where that came. Your subconscious mind holds all you have ever encountered and never leave you. Words can lie dormant within you until it’s time for them to surface. This is why people can be going through life happily and contentedly then all of a sudden they find themselves thrown into a crisis. Why? We will ask ourselves.

Why because it could be a hidden trauma, a hurtful words said in the past coming to the surface now. Past situations can be played out for you to heal the past. We are all individual and we will face our dramas at different times in our lives. And because of our differences we are all affected differently. For one person in a similar situation maybe like water off a duck’s back for another person the words were so hurtful they can trigger a traumatic response.  Words have power and can cut to the bone and stay lodged in the basement of the mind until one day you turn the light on in that basement and discover the boogie man in there. Don’t run; face the monster.

My journey in my book will tell you of how the seven years old, had accepted the abuse from my father. However, unbeknown to me this story has to unfold another story; to that story and that will take me in search for answers to understand what had happened. However, there are other situations other than the abuse, which had caused conflicts in the family circle. Through clues, dreams, and visions and through other people entering my life that triggered me, felt familiar, or I found myself playing out a familiar scenario, I will gradually piece together all that had happened and why it had happened. You see there is more to this world than meets the eye and all happens for a greater reason. You see the mystery of life is not outside of you, you are a mystery to yourself.

On the front cover of my book I have a lamb which to me symbolizes innocence: I was a lamb and I was robbed of my innocence. When a person is abused it changes their personality and it did mine I became introverted as a child. I learned to daydream which took me away from the reality of my life.

Becoming more of an observer in life I learned how to read the various personalities in my family and I learned how to read their behaviour so I knew how best to manoeuvre through my life with my family.

I gained my freedom as I got older and we can go either way it’s a choice you either stay held in the trauma and the drama or you move on and face your life and all that comes to you.

The saddest thing a person can do to themselves is hold onto grief, resentments and regrets these emotions will tie you to a perpetual cycle of misery and in that cycle you not only inflict yourself but you pull down those around you in your situation. Move forward and know nothing is permanent or guaranteed in this life so why drag yourself and others into your personal hell for something that’s not permanent or forever.

I understand the greater reason for being and I know that we are connected to a higher power that guides us and supports us during our trials and tribulations. We aren’t alone we are cared for and supported in our quests we are here to face. And we are here to face many quests challenges and tests and there is no one on this planet that is spared some type of the above.

We can be a victim in our life’s course or we can flow with the shit that unfolds and ride the wave until the lesson is learned and over. Life is for remembering what you’re here for and to unravel the issues that are binding you to this realm of trials and tests and challenges etc. To fully unravel yourself first you have to undo the conditionings you’re being programmed into. Then and only then will you become my true self.

Can you thoroughly enjoy your life?

Can you give yourself the best you can in your short years here on this planet? 

The journey here is a short journey and we will face many issues and I feel this planet is set up to find out how we cope in a given situation,

And to help others who interplay in our game of life.

Life is a game with rules and procedures and lies and truths it’s up to us to decide how we will play the game.

As a child I used to think I came to earth from a star. And now I know for sure I am made up of components from the stars. We are cosmic beings we share a planet in a cosmos and we are in a galaxy full of stars, planets etc. full of the components of the cosmos. I never felt like this is my home and really it’s not because there is no permanency here and in that non-permanency I feel this is just a place I visit now and then to experience life in a physical body.

No wonder many of us don’t feel at home here on earth when our first beginnings were from the stars.

It’s hard to fully understand people even in your family
Because people are wearing masks to hide their true self behind, and so even in the best families we will not truly know each other.
Isn’t it time we all dropped our masks and be ourselves?
Can we be honest with each other?
Many can’t for fear of losing love. In my truth I am losing some family and friends but for me this is okay for we need to grow as a person and some people will pull us down and so we must let them go.

Did a big meditation that had opened me up around my family issues and this is the outcome. Sometimes we need to tap into our chakra system to clear out an issue. And this is what I did for three days I used a meditation on the Chakras. Courtesy: of Katt Tozier.

I’ve had a lot of family issues from my childhood. A big issue was with my grandmother, who we lived with. When my young parents were married my grandmother asked them to live with her, due to her insecurities.

It was agreed they’d live with her for a while, however, they could never leave her so she held them in her control and if they tried to leave her, she’d get conveniently sick and they’d feel guilty and not leave her and stay with her. We were isolated on her farm and there were many opportunities we missed out on.

As children, we absorb everything going on around us, for me, grief was one of the things I absorbed and it been one of the hardest things for me to release.

At a deeper level, I was very resentful of her. I knew I was trapped in her grief and I knew she’d caused us all a lot of harm from her grief and I was constantly working through this issue.

I work in aged care with people who have had a lot of grief in their lives. This was one of my life lessons to solve. I was becoming more annoyed; it was the old inner grief coming up in me. I had to face this inner dilemma and heal it.

Doing this mediation over three days I was able to clear the grief. First I had to face the angry within and facing that anger, I finally, could fully solve the problem. Now all is solved with my grandmother and I am at ease and happy with her memory.

I’m sharing with you my life experiences and how I overcame the deep issues trapped within me through re-living my life.
I took a leap of faith and went on my spiritual journey overseas, leaving all that chained me to the past back in Australia. Overseas I relived my whole life awake. Because the first part of my life I was living my life with my eyes closed.

Travelling is a great way to open one’s eyes to life.

Through my experiences with other people, I solved myself through reflection; I was truly seeing that the outer does reflect the inner. All is within us and if we are willing to see what others are showing us; we can in awareness change ourselves. Aha! Moment will let you see this is in you. The world mirrors us, for us to heal and grow as a person.

Once you get the reflection concept you can heal, and grow and become a better person.

God equipped us to heal ourselves. Is this the key? I returned to Australia and the past and this is where I am now still clearing that past but with a different approach to healing myself.

Here more doors are opening to give me the full; picture of my life and to write about it to help people to understand the complexities of one’s lives.

Our book of life is made up from images and these images are images we’ve developed through our understanding of our world. From these images, we have created our story that allows us to interpret our world through our mind. An image is said to convey a 1000 words, so true: “one image can have a 1000 different interpretations, from a 1000 different people”
So each of us will interpret our own world in our own way; in doing this there is no right or wrong to our story.

We will each interpret it from our own gallery of images in our mind: from our life experiences.

We can only imagine what we’ve experienced and seen. This is how we tell our stories from our interpretation of the situations we’ve experienced. Our brain is using only 10% of its capacity; what is the other 90% doing?
Our brain is not a mass sitting in our head: it’s a mass with corridors that have doorways, that can be opened when one is aware of the doorway.

Relationships have a significant bearing on one’s life. Families are so diverse and I often wondered how I did shift through all I observed, learned and was taught. Families influence our perceptions of life until we unravel the falsehoods to find the truth for ourselves. False family beliefs have a lot to answer to; it’s no one’s fault – we are all brought up in a family of some sort, be it biological or in another caretaker’s placement. So it’s up to us as we grow up and mature to change what we were conditioned into if we are not happy with our lives. Only we can change ourselves. So don’t blame others; they were only doing the best they could. Just say to yourself this is enough and I’m committing myself to change that, that doesn’t resonate with me.

Living in a family is not always easy it’s a learning experience and many people think of the family unit as a place where mum and dad and extended family members co-habit. But its more than that it’ s a place where we put ourselves in, to learn about life. To learn to cope in life. And most importantly to face the baggage we’re brought back in with us. Not many families are living in harmony a great many are been triggered within their family. Causing some to flee or cut off their family members and even disowning their family. How many of us are in dysfunctional families? And how many of us are in functional families? Compare the two and dysfunctional families will have the highest scoring. It’s how you learn to cope in the family that you chose, that will determine how you will cope in the greater family called life.

In my family people switched personalities like changing clothes, so I learned to work with the mood being shown to me in the moment; what my parents, siblings and peers wanted to present to me. I learned how to work with their different behaviors and how to maneuver with them; of complexities that I knew nothing about and yet on another level, I seemed to know the psychology of the personality being displaying to me.
I was an observer: I watched and I learned. In this book, I write in a chronological order, telling my story at each age that I experienced an event, and giving the reader my understanding of events at the level of understanding I had, at that moment in time. I write in the child’s voice and later in the teenager’s voice, and so on. I wouldn’t know about complexities until I’m in my forties.
We need to be very careful of our behavior around children; for they see, hear and feel our problems, even if they don’t understand it.