Dropping Masks

Self-Knowledge is the best knowledge one can have. I have always been in tune with myself but journeying in Turkey opened me on a greater level of self-realization; a level I’d never open on in my own country. When we are living away from family and friends we can be ourselves and not act as they’d want us to act.

I learned to be me. I dropped my masks. However, on my return home to Australia I was the new me. That shocked many and it has taken a long time for my family and friends to get used to this person; who looks so familiar, but unrecognisable.

I really became in-tune with myself.

Travelling can do that. I found myself in the collective amongst others because others were my mirror, of me for me to learn through.

A New Land to Understand the Self In

I have written on the sexual abuse I went through. I wrote my books in Istanbul when I lived there. I was fortunate enough to find the right people. I did Reiki with a lady that helped me to bring all to the surface to be able write my story. I had some emotional times but I just kept on writing and I didn’t do chapters; I just wrote and got it all out into the computer and later on, I put it into chapters. Reiki helped me a lot.
I had pushed the memory of the abuse aside all my life. The memory would pop in now and then and I’d say I’m not ready to face that yet. The soul is patient and always allowed me that choice. However, in the 1990’s I started to face the issue and in Turkey it was fully faced.
I was also fortunate enough to be able to re-live my life, with my eyes wide open; encountering similar people from my past to reinforce the events, from my past.
I felt like a pair of eyes until my late fifties because I was never living in my body. Again in Istanbul, all changed; it’s as if that was the chosen place for me to heal myself. There I could open up and write on the situation and in doing so I gradually returned to my body. Now I live in my body and the events are just a story. Sometimes we need to move away from where it had all happened; to heal the issues or to write on it.

Love

Love is the answer they say and years ago in some of my crisis situations and in the process of processing my life I could have made someone eat those words: because in that stressful crisis going on in me; that was the last thing I wanted to hear: love will solve it. 

When love maybe was the reason I was traumatized, abused or hurt in the first place. So how can it now fix it? Well after the crisis and solving of the trauma, hurt and or other issues; love for self does help you. 

And like everything else all has a process to go through. 

There are seven stages to face: 

denial 
anger
bargaining: hoping the people involved will change
depression 
acceptance
love 
joy 

Hidden Self

We are all usually carrying some hidden issues to our self. Words can have a devastating effect on us as a child up into adulthood. Words can affect our wellbeing and those words can stay with us all our lives buried in the subconscious mind coming up when we get triggered or face someone who seems familiar to who had cast those hurtful words. Unbeknown to you and you will wonder where that came. Your subconscious mind holds all you have ever encountered and never leave you. Words can lie dormant within you until it’s time for them to surface. This is why people can be going through life happily and contentedly then all of a sudden they find themselves thrown into a crisis. Why? We will ask ourselves.

Why because it could be a hidden trauma, a hurtful words said in the past coming to the surface now. Past situations can be played out for you to heal the past. We are all individual and we will face our dramas at different times in our lives. And because of our differences we are all affected differently. For one person in a similar situation maybe like water off a duck’s back for another person the words were so hurtful they can trigger a traumatic response.  Words have power and can cut to the bone and stay lodged in the basement of the mind until one day you turn the light on in that basement and discover the boogie man in there. Don’t run; face the monster.

Losing and Finding Freedom

My journey in my book will tell you of how the seven years old, had accepted the abuse from my father. However, unbeknown to me this story has to unfold another story; to that story and that will take me in search for answers to understand what had happened. However, there are other situations other than the abuse, which had caused conflicts in the family circle. Through clues, dreams, and visions and through other people entering my life that triggered me, felt familiar, or I found myself playing out a familiar scenario, I will gradually piece together all that had happened and why it had happened. You see there is more to this world than meets the eye and all happens for a greater reason. You see the mystery of life is not outside of you, you are a mystery to yourself. 

On the front cover of my book I have a lamb which to me symbolizes innocence: I was a lamb and I was robbed of my innocence. When a person is abused it changes their personality and it did mine I became introverted as a child. I learned to daydream which took me away from the reality of my life. 

Becoming more of an observer in life I learned how to read the various personalities in my family and I learned how to read their behaviour so I knew how best to manoeuvre through my life with my family. 

I gained my freedom as I got older and we can go either way it’s a choice you either stay held in the trauma and the drama or you move on and face your life and all that comes to you.