Our responsibility as parents is to ensure that we provide the best opportunities for our children. This entails us being mindful of our language and how we speak to others. When I say language, I am not referring to swearing or ‘bad words’. I am drawing your attention to what you say, how you say it or even the unspoken words between parents and people we interact with.
The effects of not being mindful with your words around your children can be devastating and last a lifetime.
Children are sponges and they develop their own perception of a situation. That perception may not be a true representation of that situation but this is how a child see’s it.
A great example is, sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment that we don’t necessarily mean. After things calm down, we can apologise, acknowledge that it was not meant and move forward. Little do you know, your little one has heard the argument and doesn’t understand the reconciliation. They just see the way the parents are interacting with each other. Often the child is left out of the apology and believe this to be an acceptable pattern of behaviour to be carried out for years to come.
The triggers that can cause these arguments often come from what behaviour was previously learned and accepted by your family unconsciously. As a child you will not truly understand the trigger until you are much older and in awareness. Have you ever heard the phrase, “you are too young to understand?”
Awareness is a key element and the child can carry on into their adult life with this view which may not be the truth. Unless they become aware, they may carry this ‘story’ to the grave. If your child is aware, it can be very complicated and confusing time for them. They can see the falsehood in your words which leads to more unanswered questions. This leaves the child wondering if they are in the right family or a loss of belief and trust.
A situation may be remembered in a different way, a twist to a situation which is not lying but it is a context of their conditioning of how they were brought up and perceived things.
Like a media story, if you ask 5 people what happened when they witnessed a car accident, each will give you a different recount because they link what they saw to their mental picture and belief system to give them their desired outcome.
The way language is articulated can be deceptive because it is derived from your conditioning’s and past experiences with your own parents. This can be causing repetition of a pattern of behaviour and a scenarios that are familiar to you.
When you read this article, what memories are surfacing for you. Write this down and look at where first learnt something from your family that is still affecting you today.